Thursday, May 19, 2016

Slow Ride

     Dog fur on your clothes can be awesome, when you rarely get the opportunity to be around dogs. Cat spit on your open palm from licking you, as they condescend to lay half on your lap is an accomplishment, too.

     But a goat nibbling on your jeans hem? That’s the best! 

                             
                 
    When one doesn’t have the means to maintain a menagerie that would make Dr. Dolittle proud, you go where you can enjoy such spoils.

     Add a niece’s birthday to the blender, a little energy drink contraband, a complete lack of watching one’s caloric intake for an entire weekend, and a fun time will always be had---especially when you spoil the niece with flan, churros, and cash.

     A road-trip, when traveled via two-car caravan, is also a wise move; it establishes sanity, stability, and removes all sense of disgruntlement, nae, tempestuousness, at the only one who can reduce my intelligence to flaming gas-balls of fury.  

     Close quarters for longer than an hour usually inspires my need for flight, as is the typical Gemini’s innate characteristic. Boredom, we will not tolerate.

     Painted faces, offerings of ersatz tea and cakes, bubble wands being waved while jumping on trampolines, canines competing for visitor’s affections, sinewy felines pretending they’re not, turkey burgers, and Mexican food that leaves you feeling bloated for having eaten far too much….

    Oh yah, that’s the life! 

Monday, May 9, 2016

The 'Sunscreen Speech.'

Disclaimer: Hey Readers! This is NOT my writing. This was a graduation speech written by Mary Schmich in 1997 for the Chicago Tribune. I remembered first reading it in an issue of Reader's Digest, and liked it so much that I gently tore the pages out and saved it. My copy is still filed away somewhere in the Black Hole of my storage area. But this is almost twenty years old, and I never forgot it. Gen-Xers and the older Millennials will remember it. Enjoy! 

Wear Sunscreen

By Mary Schmich of the Chicago Tribune

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '98: Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blind side you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.